30+ Words of Advice on How to Have a Healthy Romantic Relationship from Women Speaking to Their Younger Self

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Oct 31, 2023 5:00 PM EDT

As we all grow and mature we evolve and, hopefully, become the best version of ourself that we can be. Part of this self-evolution is experiencing different relationships. These lessons can be some of the hardest ones you'll go through and can leave you feeling broken and hopeless. But guess what, you're not alone! Many women have probably gone through the exact same situation as you, if not the exact same, they have at least felt the way you have felt before. A heartbreak is never easy. Thanks to the internet and Reddit, women have come together to share their sage advice on dating. So if you could talk to your younger self, what kind of wise words would you share before starting your first romantic relationship? Would you tell yourself to run? Would you tell yourself to stop ignoring the red flags? I probably would have told myself that love doesn't have to be like the movies. See what women shared below! 

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    Jeans
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    Font - Posted by u/dreamy-butterfly 3 days ago What's something women should know before starting their first romantic relationship?
    via u/dreamy-butterfly
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    Font - Westraid 3 days ago Actions speak louder than words, regardless of how beautifully they are spoken.
    via u/Westraid
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    Font - Born_blonde 3 days ago And knowing not everyone communicates with words! It's easy to get caught up the idea of frilly love confessions, I did with my current partner, before realizing he isn't good with verbal cues, but is amazing at showing his love for me through the things he does
    via u/Born_blonde
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    Font - crazymissdaisy87. 3 days ago "You're so mature for your age" is a term predators use to groom
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    Font - angelabuttmunch. 2 days ago They fail to mention they're immature for their age
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    Font - uterustryingtokillme. 3 days ago O+ Respect yourself. If your partner talks over you, ignores your input, minimizes your feelings, lies to you, makes everything and everyone a higher priority than you - get out!!
    via u/uterustryingtokillme
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    Font - PsychologicalView 702 3 days ago Also if your partner isn't respectful towards you, especially in the beginning, it's not going to get better and will probably get worse
    via u/PsychologicalView702
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    Font - Tiny European - 1 day ago Yess!! As soon as you realise your confidence going down instead of up, due to them dragging you down and giving you anxiety, instead of lifting you up and making your life better - get out while you can. It's only going to get worse.
    via u/Tiny_European
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    Smile - ShezDinkDink. 3 days ago Keep your independence, have friendships and a life outside your relationship
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    Font - just_add_cholula. 3 days ago So so important. There is no one single person who can be everything for you. You need your friends to fulfill other needs in your life and be other sources of support.
    via u/Just_add_cholula
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    Font - On a similar note, if you start dating someone and they try to undermine your friendships or put a wedge between you and your friends, run. This is a textbook warning sign of an abuser.
    via u/Just_add_cholula
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    Font - Another thing to be aware of - if you're seeing a guy who doesn't have any platonic women friends, you should be wary. If you notice any evidence that he is either unwilling or incapable of having platonic friendships with women, run. Men who are not open to connection with women they don't want to bang do not make good boyfriends.
    via u/Just_add_cholula
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    Font - A-Yandere-Succubus 3 days ago It's okay if they're not the one, and the relationship has to end.
    via u/A-Yandere-Succubus
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    Font - ChloeBaie 3 days ago Coming here to say this. It's ok to break up, even if they're a good guy. Dating is not a life sentence.
    via u/ChloeBaie
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    Font - daddyskitten53. 3 days ago The phrases "you can trust me" "I'm a nice guy" "I'm not going to hurt you" can be HUGE RED FLAGS. If someone is actually a nice guy, he won't have to convince you, you'll be able to actively notice. Don't lower your standards or life plans to accommodate his standards or life plans.
    via u/daddyskitten53
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    Font - If you think you're ready for children, wait two years and during those two years, gain as much knowledge as you can about what parenting is really like. If you still think you can handle it, then go for it. "No" is a full sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your self preservation.
    via u/daddyskitten53
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    Font - clairebearzechinacat. 3 days ago Something my mom always told me and wish I would have listened to more intently sooner. "You deserve to be picky". I focused so hard on making myself seem desirable to others that I lost sight in myself.
    via u/clairebearzechinacat
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    Font - Subject_8767. 3 days ago Current relationship issues will not ever be resolved through a change of circumstances. You don't have to wait for your partner to finish their work project/get their degree/move in with you/save money/whatever excuse you might be making for them. If all it takes is a moderately inconvenient life circumstance for them to put you on hold, then that is not your person.
    via u/Subject_8767
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    Font - o0o0ohhh 3 days ago You really ought to know yourself a bit before you drag someone else into the equation is probably what I would tell my younger self. Otherwise, it gets unnecessarily messy.
    via u/oOoOohhh
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    Font - K_ayla_Baby 3 days ago Trust your instinct, if you feel like something is wrong, aknowledge it from the start, don't excuse or minimise any red flags!
    via u/K_ayla_Baby
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    Font - DareDevil_56. 3 days ago That the person you're about to be with has just as many concerns, strengths, weaknesses, and issues as you might. Your job is to see if your factors mesh together in a way that meets your goals and needs. Enjoy the experiences you can enjoy, and try and learn about yourself through the process. That way if it isn't fulfilling you, you're better equipped to know what the next opportunity should entail.
    via u/Daredevil_56
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    Font - B SparkyBean3. 3 days ago Don't try to be the "cool girlfriend," since that's a great way to make sure your needs aren't met. Be upfront about those needs and if the person you are with can't/won't meet them,
    via u/SparkyBean3
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    Font - move along. Saying no to people who didn't meet my needs ended up being one of the most empowering and self-loving things I ever did! And I never regretted that I was no longer pretending to be cool and chill about everything. When you express your needs you end up finding relationships that are more meaningful and fun!
    via u/SparkyBean3
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    Font - thetaco itch 3 days ago . Physical intimacy does not make men like you more. 20 Reply Share fatfuckery 3 days ago God dan, underrated comment.
    via u/thetaco*itch
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    Font - polarisborealis . 3 days ago Don't turn your partner or your relationship into the centre of your universe; learn to be happy on your own. Totally OK if you date, fall in love and become each other's rock, but at first, it's too much responsibility for a person to have the job to make you happy.
    via u/polarisborealis
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    Font - chemistfaust. 3 days ago Most fights and breakups are there to teach you lessons about the people you choose to have around you and yourself. If you choose not to learn the lesson, these will repeat until you get it.
    via u/chemistfaust
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    Rectangle - KlosterToGod. days ago That love bombing is not "love," and to learn how to identify it.
    via u/KlosterToGod
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    Font - k3nw4y 3 days ago You can depend on eachother, doesn't means your other is your therapist
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    Font - Jazzlike_Jackfruit 78. 3 days ago Never move in with a guy who hasnt lived on his own before. See how he lives first and make sure he knows what it entails. Bills, chores, etc. If his place is a dump, your will be too if you move in together.
    via u/Jazzlike_Jackfruit78
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    Font - Hapshedus 3 days ago Consent can be withdrawn at any time for any or no reason.
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    Font - MADSeraphina . 3 days ago If the relationship doesn't work out, nobody failed or is unlovable. Sure maybe one or both of you has some growth to do (we all do forever) it just means you're not compatible with that particular human. That's fine and even good to figure out.
    via u/MADseraphina
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    Font - Kkikuks 3 days ago Pay attention to how he treats his mother. Most likely that's the same way he will treat you.
    via u/Kkikuks
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    Font - Wandererofworlds411. 3 days ago If he "loves you so much " that he will hurt himself without you- run. There is no way you will ever "save" him and he will drain you mentally, physically and maybe even financially.
    via u/Wandererofworlds411
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    Font - ih8pickles7824. 3 days ago Pretend your best friend is talking to you abt their new partner the same way you talk about yours. If your best friend told you their partner does x, y, and z, how would you feel? If you wouldn't tolerate someone treating your best friend a certain way, don't let a partner treat YOU that way.
    via u/ih8pickles7824
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    Font - Thejenfo 3 days ago "Someone who makes you happy" -Doesn't exist. Learn to be happy -then share it with someone who deserves it. No one has the power to "make" another human "happy" it's an impossible standard on either party.
    via u/thejenfo
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    Font - sparkles-and-spades. 2 days ago It is not your job to fix other people.
    via u/sparkles-and-spades

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first romantic relationship first date relationship advice healthy relationships first girlfriend relationships new to dating love first boyfriend first relationship women supporting women real relationship advice love advice dating
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